ƓιƖgαмєѕн | Ƙιηg σf Hєяσєѕ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kingofallkings) wrote2015-08-09 08:02 pm
kingofallkings) wrote2015-08-09 08:02 pm
III. Unchanging Worth❋
Unchanging Worth
I was born from a lump of earth. Clay sculpted by the hands of the gods. I was made as a tool that could change into an infinite variety of forms.
I awoke in a wasteland. The original scenery reflected in my eyes was the vast expanse of the land and sky, and in the distance, towering over its surroundings, the fortress of the city. Suddenly, I heard a voice calling me from far away. The impetus for my awakening was not my mother's fingers, nor my father's scolding. That call caught my attention, and my heavy eyelids opened.
Newly awakened, there was no rationality in me. My father was Anu, the king of the gods. My mother was Aruru, the goddess of creation. They granted me incredible power, but they couldn't breathe a soul into me. That's why, for years after I awoke, I was simply a creature that ran through the fields with wild beasts. But I did have a goal. When my mother made me, she endowed me with a purpose.
"Chain. You will bring the linchpin back to us."
But, I had no soul. All I could do was live, wild and untamed. I lacked a human will. I was happy, running through the wilderness with the animals every day. I wasn't perfect, but I felt nothing lacking.
... But. Sometimes my legs would stop, and I would look back at that faraway fortress. A voice was calling to me, from the other side of the wasteland. I wondered whose voice it was. It wasn't my father. It wasn't my mother. I felt that someone else, someone completely different, was calling for me.
My father, who lamented my lack of human reason, supplied me with a woman. I had never even seen a mirror, so that human-shape taught me much about myself. I learned about knowledge and logic. I was taught the ways of Heaven and Earth. I was given a soul, so I could fulfill the purpose for which I was made.
"Enkidu."
Thus I spoke my own name for the first time. The world, which had once been so exceedingly simple, was no longer so. My role. My purpose. I had to show the anger of the gods to Gilgamesh, who had grown proud.
My heart danced with joy. I ran across the wastelands like a shooting star. The meaning of my existence. The reason I was made. What I would give my life for. Divine punishment of another like me, another puppet made by the gods. But when I found him he was still young. It seemed that unlike me, he would grow. Unlike me, he also bore the blood of human beings. He was still a child. Until he grew up, I couldn't compete with him. If we didn't fight as equals, I couldn't serve as a warning to him.
Thus, I was gazing on the fortress city. The voice calling to me came from within it. Suppressing my impatience, I counted the days until he would be grown. In childhood, he had an air of royalty about him surpassing any other on earth. Open-mindedness, prudence, justice, he valued all of these virtues. The average person walking by was charmed by him and would sing his praises. He appeared the ideal boy-king. I could only think that the gods had made some mistake, saying he had grown proud. The young Gilgamesh had no faults in need of punishment. ... if there was some problem with him, it was only that while he did honor the gods, he didn't submit to them.
Years passed, and that boy grew into a young man. I acknowledged that the gods' fears had been correct. In only a few years he had become a different person. Despotism. Tyranny. Coercion. Levies. As much luxury as possible, to satisfy his own selfish desires. Why did it come to this, the people of Uruk lamented. We never thought it would go this far, the gods fretted.
... But. I knew the reason for his transformation, I knew so well it hurt. When he was born, this conclusion was already made. He was alone, a creature neither god nor human. With the characteristics of both sides, his viewpoint ranged so wide and so far not even the gods could understand the things he saw. An excess of power lead to an excess of loneliness.
Even so, he did not give up his place as king.
He did not flee the purpose he had given himself.
...what strength of self.
He earnestly respected the gods, and loved humans. It was just that, in conclusion, he had chosen the path of abandoning the gods and hating humans.
"You intend to punish me?"
We met in front of the building where the ceremony of divine marriage was held.
"That's right. I'm going to set your arrogance aright with my own hands."
What I should have said was loneliness, not arrogance, but I couldn't do that. I didn't want to wound his pride. Our battle lasted days. I was a spear, an axe, a shield, a beast. With me, who can freely transform into all of creation, as his opponent, he mustered all of the power he could handle.
"You -- how can a mere lump of earth rival me!"
Was it surprise or anger he felt, encountering his equal for the first time. In the midst of battle, he took his prized treasures in hand. I don't think there was anything more disgrace for him than having to draw out the treasure he held so dear. At first he did it out of necessity, because he was cornered. But by the end he was throwing all the treasure he possessed into the fray, joyfully, holding nothing back.
The battle -- in whose victory did it end? He had emptied his whole treasury, and I had lost ninety percent of my clay. I must have looked thin and ragged, my shape held together only by my clothes. He opened his eyes and burst into laughter, then collapsed to the ground face-up. I fell to the earth to, and breathed deeply. Honestly, I couldn't have moved more than once.
"Both of us have only one move left. If we don't defend as well, then I suppose we'll be two foolish corpses lying here in the end."
I still don't know the true meaning of those words. Did he want to say "So let's end this in a draw"? Did he mean that would be foolish, there should only be one corpse? Whatever they meant, hearing those words, I collapsed to the ground as well, as if in imitation of him. Like a mirror, I thought.
"Don't you regret using up all that treasure?" I said for some reason.
"What. Why shouldn't I use them for an opponent who requires it," Gilgamesh said in a cheerful tone.
After that, I was always with him.
The days seemed to run by.
"My treasury has been in disarray ever since you've come. To think of using my treasures as projectiles... you've certainly given me a harebrained habit."
He never would stop collecting things, but he did sometimes remember to use them. One of my few achievements.
There was a monster called Humbaba. We combined our powers to defeat it. I asked him, why did you decide to defeat Humbaba? It wasn't an order from the gods. And I don't think it was for the sake of the people of Uruk either.
"It was to protect Uruk though? If the evils of the world are not purged, our people will starve to death."
So why, I asked again. He made the people of Uruk suffer by his tyranny, so why was he worried for them now?
"It's not so strange. I was born to be a protector of humanity, after all. Building the future of this planet's civilization is the king's duty." As he said that, his gaze was so far away. So far not even I, who was made in the same way, could see what he was seeing. "There are different kinds of protection. Just guarding things from danger is not protection. There are times when even the north wind is necessary."
This time, I understood him perfectly. "I see. So you chose to honor the path of discernment."
He laughed as if embarrassed. It was a laugh like a cool breeze, one he sometimes laughed as a child.
I understood why he preferred isolation. It was because the path he had chosen was one he had to walk alone. He said he was protecting a distant future he could see. That was why he had to be alone, hating gods and men. The more he loved the future of humanity, the less he could be involved with anyone. Adjudicator and reaper. The king obtains only the results. There was no way he, who was more than human, could intervene in the glorious process from which such results are born.
"Well, results may be an uninteresting fabric, but I've decided to look after them until it's finished, so I will."
His exaggeration was too much for me to bear, so I spoke. "I'm a tool. Something you don't need pass judgment for. I can stay at your side until the end of the world."
"Ridiculous." I think that was the first and only time he ever felt relieved. "Very well then. That is... I mean...." So he continued.
...it was then I was granted those precious words, like a shining star. That was when I truly gained a self.
This is the final story.
There was the rift between Gilgamesh and the goddess Ishtar, and the battle with the Bull of Heaven sent by Ishtar, and then the story of my death.
The Bull of Heaven was driven off by Gilgamesh and his weapons, the dark clouds that had covered the world cleared, and the Earth was saved from flood. As punishment for defying the gods, I was made back into earth once more. He held me, that crumbling lump of earth, with all his might.
"I won't allow this. Why do you have to die? If someone must be punished, it should be me! All of this was my own selfishness!"
The sky was still weeping. Unable to see, I offered him counsel. "You don't need to be sad. I'm a weapon. Just one of all those treasures you have. You'll find countless treasures after this, much better than I am. So there is no reason for you to shed those tears; I have not the worth left in me to deserve them.”"
That's right. I was a weapon. A tool. Not like him. Though Gilgamesh was made as a child of the gods, he was a hero who defied them. He had a soul from the beginning. He had free will ever since he was born. A true life, unlike mine. A star, with real value, not a consumable like me. ...I had always yearned for that. I hated it. Why, when we were made by the same gods, were we such different beings.
"You do have worth. You alone have this worth. I declare it here and now. In all the world, I have only one friend. Thus... not for all eternity shall that worth ever change."
I was a weapon. It is the fate of a weapon to be supplanted by the next. My value, my mystique, belonged only to my own era. He made that into something else. With the price that forever after he would always be lonely.
...I remember those words. I remember him in that moment when I said I was a tool.
"Ridiculous. You lived with me, spoke with me, fought with me. That's not a person, nor a tool. That's called a friend, Enkidu."
--ah. How sinful.
I knew he was weak but I never considered his weakness. I knew he was strong but I never recognized his strength. You can't say I understood him. But he was completely sincere in keeping himself isolated. I left an eternal wound upon his dignity.
The rain gradually lessened. I returned to my original form, the earth of the wasteland. All that remained afterward was the cry of the king, like roaring thunder. My story pauses here. I am a regret that has already vanished. What happens after this is your future. You, who are human unlike me, this is your story. ...that's why there are some things I want you to ask.
Does he still love humans? Does he still remember the name of his friend? Has he finally cast aside the mistakes of a distant age and laid them to rest...
...I narrow my eyes against the light. It felt like an ancient dream.
...so thinking, my mouth moves without my noticing. I feel compelled to question him. The words I, his contractor, must turn on him are —
[>] Do you remember your friend's name?
> Are your friend and I alike?
> Gil, do you actually love people?
> Do you remember that friend's name?
[>] Are that friend and I alike?
> Gil, do you actually love people?
> Do you remember that friend's name?
> Are that friend and I alike?
[>] Gil, do you actually love people?
...indeed, that dream wasn't from his perspective. It didn't belong to Gilgamesh, nor to Hakuno Kishinami, it was a dream dreamt by someone else entirely. But. The words he spoke in that dream were unmistakably the truth.
"That value will never be lost, for all eternity —"
I'll just remember that once there was a lonely king who spoke those words.
Also, owner of that dream. I'm sorry, but it doesn't look like your wish about him casting aside those memories will be fulfilled...
I awoke in a wasteland. The original scenery reflected in my eyes was the vast expanse of the land and sky, and in the distance, towering over its surroundings, the fortress of the city. Suddenly, I heard a voice calling me from far away. The impetus for my awakening was not my mother's fingers, nor my father's scolding. That call caught my attention, and my heavy eyelids opened.
Newly awakened, there was no rationality in me. My father was Anu, the king of the gods. My mother was Aruru, the goddess of creation. They granted me incredible power, but they couldn't breathe a soul into me. That's why, for years after I awoke, I was simply a creature that ran through the fields with wild beasts. But I did have a goal. When my mother made me, she endowed me with a purpose.
"Chain. You will bring the linchpin back to us."
But, I had no soul. All I could do was live, wild and untamed. I lacked a human will. I was happy, running through the wilderness with the animals every day. I wasn't perfect, but I felt nothing lacking.
... But. Sometimes my legs would stop, and I would look back at that faraway fortress. A voice was calling to me, from the other side of the wasteland. I wondered whose voice it was. It wasn't my father. It wasn't my mother. I felt that someone else, someone completely different, was calling for me.
My father, who lamented my lack of human reason, supplied me with a woman. I had never even seen a mirror, so that human-shape taught me much about myself. I learned about knowledge and logic. I was taught the ways of Heaven and Earth. I was given a soul, so I could fulfill the purpose for which I was made.
"Enkidu."
Thus I spoke my own name for the first time. The world, which had once been so exceedingly simple, was no longer so. My role. My purpose. I had to show the anger of the gods to Gilgamesh, who had grown proud.
My heart danced with joy. I ran across the wastelands like a shooting star. The meaning of my existence. The reason I was made. What I would give my life for. Divine punishment of another like me, another puppet made by the gods. But when I found him he was still young. It seemed that unlike me, he would grow. Unlike me, he also bore the blood of human beings. He was still a child. Until he grew up, I couldn't compete with him. If we didn't fight as equals, I couldn't serve as a warning to him.
Thus, I was gazing on the fortress city. The voice calling to me came from within it. Suppressing my impatience, I counted the days until he would be grown. In childhood, he had an air of royalty about him surpassing any other on earth. Open-mindedness, prudence, justice, he valued all of these virtues. The average person walking by was charmed by him and would sing his praises. He appeared the ideal boy-king. I could only think that the gods had made some mistake, saying he had grown proud. The young Gilgamesh had no faults in need of punishment. ... if there was some problem with him, it was only that while he did honor the gods, he didn't submit to them.
Years passed, and that boy grew into a young man. I acknowledged that the gods' fears had been correct. In only a few years he had become a different person. Despotism. Tyranny. Coercion. Levies. As much luxury as possible, to satisfy his own selfish desires. Why did it come to this, the people of Uruk lamented. We never thought it would go this far, the gods fretted.
... But. I knew the reason for his transformation, I knew so well it hurt. When he was born, this conclusion was already made. He was alone, a creature neither god nor human. With the characteristics of both sides, his viewpoint ranged so wide and so far not even the gods could understand the things he saw. An excess of power lead to an excess of loneliness.
Even so, he did not give up his place as king.
He did not flee the purpose he had given himself.
...what strength of self.
He earnestly respected the gods, and loved humans. It was just that, in conclusion, he had chosen the path of abandoning the gods and hating humans.
"You intend to punish me?"
We met in front of the building where the ceremony of divine marriage was held.
"That's right. I'm going to set your arrogance aright with my own hands."
What I should have said was loneliness, not arrogance, but I couldn't do that. I didn't want to wound his pride. Our battle lasted days. I was a spear, an axe, a shield, a beast. With me, who can freely transform into all of creation, as his opponent, he mustered all of the power he could handle.
"You -- how can a mere lump of earth rival me!"
Was it surprise or anger he felt, encountering his equal for the first time. In the midst of battle, he took his prized treasures in hand. I don't think there was anything more disgrace for him than having to draw out the treasure he held so dear. At first he did it out of necessity, because he was cornered. But by the end he was throwing all the treasure he possessed into the fray, joyfully, holding nothing back.
The battle -- in whose victory did it end? He had emptied his whole treasury, and I had lost ninety percent of my clay. I must have looked thin and ragged, my shape held together only by my clothes. He opened his eyes and burst into laughter, then collapsed to the ground face-up. I fell to the earth to, and breathed deeply. Honestly, I couldn't have moved more than once.
"Both of us have only one move left. If we don't defend as well, then I suppose we'll be two foolish corpses lying here in the end."
I still don't know the true meaning of those words. Did he want to say "So let's end this in a draw"? Did he mean that would be foolish, there should only be one corpse? Whatever they meant, hearing those words, I collapsed to the ground as well, as if in imitation of him. Like a mirror, I thought.
"Don't you regret using up all that treasure?" I said for some reason.
"What. Why shouldn't I use them for an opponent who requires it," Gilgamesh said in a cheerful tone.
After that, I was always with him.
The days seemed to run by.
"My treasury has been in disarray ever since you've come. To think of using my treasures as projectiles... you've certainly given me a harebrained habit."
He never would stop collecting things, but he did sometimes remember to use them. One of my few achievements.
There was a monster called Humbaba. We combined our powers to defeat it. I asked him, why did you decide to defeat Humbaba? It wasn't an order from the gods. And I don't think it was for the sake of the people of Uruk either.
"It was to protect Uruk though? If the evils of the world are not purged, our people will starve to death."
So why, I asked again. He made the people of Uruk suffer by his tyranny, so why was he worried for them now?
"It's not so strange. I was born to be a protector of humanity, after all. Building the future of this planet's civilization is the king's duty." As he said that, his gaze was so far away. So far not even I, who was made in the same way, could see what he was seeing. "There are different kinds of protection. Just guarding things from danger is not protection. There are times when even the north wind is necessary."
This time, I understood him perfectly. "I see. So you chose to honor the path of discernment."
He laughed as if embarrassed. It was a laugh like a cool breeze, one he sometimes laughed as a child.
I understood why he preferred isolation. It was because the path he had chosen was one he had to walk alone. He said he was protecting a distant future he could see. That was why he had to be alone, hating gods and men. The more he loved the future of humanity, the less he could be involved with anyone. Adjudicator and reaper. The king obtains only the results. There was no way he, who was more than human, could intervene in the glorious process from which such results are born.
"Well, results may be an uninteresting fabric, but I've decided to look after them until it's finished, so I will."
His exaggeration was too much for me to bear, so I spoke. "I'm a tool. Something you don't need pass judgment for. I can stay at your side until the end of the world."
"Ridiculous." I think that was the first and only time he ever felt relieved. "Very well then. That is... I mean...." So he continued.
...it was then I was granted those precious words, like a shining star. That was when I truly gained a self.
This is the final story.
There was the rift between Gilgamesh and the goddess Ishtar, and the battle with the Bull of Heaven sent by Ishtar, and then the story of my death.
The Bull of Heaven was driven off by Gilgamesh and his weapons, the dark clouds that had covered the world cleared, and the Earth was saved from flood. As punishment for defying the gods, I was made back into earth once more. He held me, that crumbling lump of earth, with all his might.
"I won't allow this. Why do you have to die? If someone must be punished, it should be me! All of this was my own selfishness!"
The sky was still weeping. Unable to see, I offered him counsel. "You don't need to be sad. I'm a weapon. Just one of all those treasures you have. You'll find countless treasures after this, much better than I am. So there is no reason for you to shed those tears; I have not the worth left in me to deserve them.”"
That's right. I was a weapon. A tool. Not like him. Though Gilgamesh was made as a child of the gods, he was a hero who defied them. He had a soul from the beginning. He had free will ever since he was born. A true life, unlike mine. A star, with real value, not a consumable like me. ...I had always yearned for that. I hated it. Why, when we were made by the same gods, were we such different beings.
"You do have worth. You alone have this worth. I declare it here and now. In all the world, I have only one friend. Thus... not for all eternity shall that worth ever change."
I was a weapon. It is the fate of a weapon to be supplanted by the next. My value, my mystique, belonged only to my own era. He made that into something else. With the price that forever after he would always be lonely.
...I remember those words. I remember him in that moment when I said I was a tool.
"Ridiculous. You lived with me, spoke with me, fought with me. That's not a person, nor a tool. That's called a friend, Enkidu."
--ah. How sinful.
I knew he was weak but I never considered his weakness. I knew he was strong but I never recognized his strength. You can't say I understood him. But he was completely sincere in keeping himself isolated. I left an eternal wound upon his dignity.
The rain gradually lessened. I returned to my original form, the earth of the wasteland. All that remained afterward was the cry of the king, like roaring thunder. My story pauses here. I am a regret that has already vanished. What happens after this is your future. You, who are human unlike me, this is your story. ...that's why there are some things I want you to ask.
Does he still love humans? Does he still remember the name of his friend? Has he finally cast aside the mistakes of a distant age and laid them to rest...
❋ ❋ ❋
...I narrow my eyes against the light. It felt like an ancient dream.
Gilgamesh: ...I raise my head abruptly, and catch Gilgamesh with fingers to his eyelids. It might be the influence of that earlier dream, but quite spontaneously I ask him, "Were you asleep?"
Gilgamesh: ...... something like that. It seems I was a bit tired as well. I dreamt something from long ago, nothing important.Gilgamesh's voice lacks its usual force. Which reminds me that I've heard something. Contracted Masters and Servants are spiritually connected, so when they're unconscious... when they're asleep, on rare occasions they can share memories. I'm not sure about this, but I think that dream just now was related to Gilgamesh's friend. He might have been looking back on the same thing I dreamt about.
...so thinking, my mouth moves without my noticing. I feel compelled to question him. The words I, his contractor, must turn on him are —
[>] Do you remember your friend's name?
> Are your friend and I alike?
> Gil, do you actually love people?
Gilgamesh: My friend...? I don't know what you're trying to say, my friend? I believe you're making some mistake. My dream was of the battle with the Bull of Heaven. Nothing concerning any friend. Anyway, do I recklessly take on things like friends? Even if I had one I would forget their name. Because I can't speak it anymore.Gilgamesh spits this out unhappily. But there's not the tiniest bit of anger in his voice. "I can't speak it anymore." That reply is all I need to know whether Gilgamesh remembers his friend's name or not.
> Do you remember that friend's name?
[>] Are that friend and I alike?
> Gil, do you actually love people?
Gilgamesh: ...putting aside the question of what you're talking about... I can affirm that you have nothing whatsoever in common, saving that you both have eyes, and a nose, and mouth. You moron. I have never in all my past been acquainted with anyone else as stupid as you. You are the only one of you. Don't make me speak of useless things like this.He swiftly pushes the matter aside. But I feel like there was some affection in what he just said. "The one and only Hakuno Kishinami, unlike anyone else." ...hearing something like that makes me terribly happy.
> Do you remember that friend's name?
> Are that friend and I alike?
[>] Gil, do you actually love people?
Gilgamesh: ----.Ah. Gilgamesh has frozen. He's putting up a forbidding front, but that's not what's really happening. The King of Heroes has been caught unawares and has swallowed his words.
Gilgamesh:...... What do you think I'm going to say. Do I love people, you ask? What have you been watching this whole time? You should already know perfectly well how I view humans from how I've treated you! Do not ask me things I've already made clear!Looks like he's scared desperate. He's acting like a child pouting after being caught. Also, "from how I've treated you --" If I were to form my answer just as he instructs, then I do understand his stance toward human beings.
Gilgamesh: Hmph. It seems the degree of irritating practical jokes you play has healed. That's enough rest then. Let's go, Hakuno. And let me inform you, what I dreamt of was traces of half my life. Accepting life, up until life ends. At first I acknowledged the gods and protected humans. When my childhood ended and I grew up, I hated the gods and favored humans. That is all I dreamt of, nothing else. Even supposing that you caught a glimpse of my memories, that's only your own impression. It's quite far from the truth of me. Bear that in mind.So saying, Gilgamesh leaves ahead of me. I hurry to get up off the bed and chase after that golden back.
...indeed, that dream wasn't from his perspective. It didn't belong to Gilgamesh, nor to Hakuno Kishinami, it was a dream dreamt by someone else entirely. But. The words he spoke in that dream were unmistakably the truth.
"That value will never be lost, for all eternity —"
I'll just remember that once there was a lonely king who spoke those words.
Also, owner of that dream. I'm sorry, but it doesn't look like your wish about him casting aside those memories will be fulfilled...